Category: Let's talk
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS! Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. . . I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .. . . . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative. IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! P.S. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
This is fake. Its been circulating around for years. its a tazar, not an electric chair. If you look at a video of someone getting tazed, they don't flop around very much. It locks your muscles, it doesn't make them go spastic.
You also don't lose complete control of your body, no way the current is that strong.
I don't think it's supposed to be serious, I mean he's not literally looking for his nuts safe return. lol. Obviously it's fake, and he just wanted a laugh. But, yeah typical guy thinking a tazor's a good gift for an aniversery. ugh.
I know lots of girls who would agree with that actually. In fact I know several who have received that exact gift and been very appreciative.
lol!
it's fake, even a stun gun can't do that, me thinks.
maybe he's just exaggerateing for commedic purposes. people do that sometimes.
Fake or not, it sure brought a smile to my face. Not sure if I should be worried about that.:)
yeah, me too!
I do not think that's real
lol i thought that was funny.
perhaps you should have posted it in joke board:d
Fake yet funny.
I'd love a tazor.
Indeed. I'm one of those girls who would apreciate a tazer as a gift. I actually have one and I'm quite happy with it. lol. it saved my ass a couple times on the Boston T during college. I lived across the street from teh Boston Cmmon which was swarming with homeless people twenty-four seven. So yeah. I'm not saying I used it, but i definitely would have if the situations had gone out of my control.
i've actually volonteered to get tazed.
i didn't have the affects this guy says he had, but I would never do it again!
Did I just read that right? You volunteered to get tazed? That's incredibly stupid, to say the least.
I can see the reasoning behind the pocket tazer as an emergency protection device, but the likely-hood of its use is improbable to the average person.
The unlikelihood of using a fire extinguisher is slim to the average person, I bet you still have one. And a lot of people volunteer to be tazed. If you are a cop, and you carry pepper spray or a taser, then you have to have experienced both. Its just how it works. There are no lasting side effects, its not dangerous, just painful.
oh yeah, painful indeed!
I can understand the necessity of the experience to a police officer, but think in the general person's viewpoint. Why would a person who is not involved in a potencially dangerous job want or volunteer to get tazed? Unless you are the kind of person who enjoies inflicting pain on yourself, I'm honestly not sure why someone would do that.
Hey, I was stupid. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. lol
Why would this be fake? If you shock yourself you are unable to let go of the trigger. The guy is an idiot, and I don't understand what is funny about it. Too many brain dead morons holding things they don't understand these days.
I doubt if the story is real. I think it's just one of those internet jokes. I first saw it a few years ago.
the guy buying his wife a taser isn't far fetched but the rest of the story is, maybe, he disagrees with tasers and this is his way of mocking them?